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Wednesday, January 15, 2014



I have my laptop back from Roosevelt Market. I left it there one day a few weeks (month) ago after realizing I could do most of my posting about that crazy place from my phone. I am glad to have it back on my dining room table amidst the laundry and legos.  I think of Hunter when I write on this machine. It is old and the keys are deep and I pretend I am writing on a typewriter and punch the keys with purpose and action and wish he were still here for me to bounce. He's dead, we'll leave him alone. Andy is dead too but he found his way in here too. 

(EDIT) Ok. At this point I had started a list but IT GOT TOO WEIRD. Suffice to say there are too many of you....I started becoming conscious about who was on and was not and it became a thing. Let us just say that that you are all important and to put anyone on a list is just stupid. I will just attempt at generalities from now on and hope that does not hurt any feelings. 

sorry, this band keeps me from blowing my brains out: QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE
(that link will last until 2/1/14 Sorry Mom) Figure these guys out. they are worth it. 

If I had a tail
I’d own the night
If I had a tail
I’d swat the flies



BACK TO THE FACTS. 

I still have no idea what I am doing. This site will be less and less about trying to "drum up business" and more and more about getting it all out there. What does it mean right now? What the fuck are we doing? Personally I am riding around on my bike and talking to people and that feels pretty good. I have been taking pictures of crazy stuff downtown and hope to post some of that crazy stuff here. BOTTOM LINE, I am not making enough money to continue doing what I am doing. Shall I quit doing what I am doing? Let me tell you a story....

I can't remember years very well. This is a product of too much time smoking marijuana in my teens and and bad genetics. I think it must have been around 1998, but again, don't hold me to this in any way....I was living in Minneapolis, MN and embalming dead human bodies for the medical school. We were going through a MAJOR remodel in the lab and one of the aspects of the remodel was that we were going to lose our crematory. The crematory in question is a subject for a completely different post and if you beg me I will tell that story but for now that is not the story I am telling. The crematory was gone and we had bodies to deal with. At this point it's worth mentioning that this blog is now going to get weird and gross and icky and if you are not into that and don't want to continue you should not.  We could not cremate bodies and their respective parts so we had to keep them around until we could...get "rid" of it(them).and at this point I would need to go into long description about the "hows" of anatomical embalming and maybe someday that is worth it. Worth it or not, despite what you have read for the the last long paragraph, I am attempting to make a point so let us keep doing that...We had been storing all of the skin that the first year medical students must remove in order to study the human body adequately. In the past (prior to the crematory being offline) we could simply dispose of this material by incinerating it as it it became available. We needed to store this material until we had a contingency plan in place. This plan became a reality. The lab had contracted with a local funeral home that had an on-site crematory that was ready to dispose of our excess material in a few months . In a few months....we had amassed enough tissue to...sink a small ship. We had enough butt, boob, thigh, back, head and feet...skin...to fill a....medium sized U-Haul. So on one incredible christmas eve a colleague and I (a colleague who's memory just reduced me to tears and deserves an entire post. Arica Pagel was a BAD ASS and could throw two dead corpses over her shoulders and dry heave and never complain and  is no longer with us on this earth because she died in a frozen lake on an icy night) filled multiple boxes the size of human bodies with butts and boobs and thighs and backs and heads and faces with feet and hands and we loaded those boxes into a medium sized U-Haul truck and cried and laughed with insanity and exhaustion.The next day, those boxes would be taken to the crematory and that was funny too.

It was my job to drive the truck to the crematory. I did it all by myself. Behind the cockpit lay hundreds and hundreds of pounds of dead human flesh belonging to sixty or seventy or so dead human bodies.  Given what had already been done over the past few days this particular craziness had no effect on me as I drove down the road. What did have an effect on me was the flat stretch of pavement that lied directly in front of me. I was not from the area surrounding Minneapolis, Minnesota, and had never ventured very far from the apartment I lived in. I had jumped on a few freeways to explore strange malls and stupid pond/lakes but never had I gone to the interior of the suburbs proper to explore the regions of true sprawl and the incest that is the mid-western mini/mega city.  This is not necessarily a good defense to my idiocy. Low bridges exist regardless of where you are from. You need to be ready for them. I was not an unprepared driver and knew what I could be confronting, I had shot gaps with a half crazed diphenhydramine addict and seen the other side. I had been on the downhill side of Donner pass when the bong froze and drastic measures needed to be taken.  This was different. I had on board almost three thousand pounds of human flesh and fat and the oncoming bridge was something I had never conceived of. Oh Shit. If this bridge is too low I am fucked. I will let your minds expand upon this scenario and not go all GONZO on the idea of what...could have happened...

It did not. (We) made it to the other side of that bridge and all of those boobs and thighs and backs were not strewn across the highway in madness and grease. They (it?) were/was burned up in a great fire inside a retort that would consume thousands of dead human bodies before and after I ever brought my decomposing heap. I would imagine it was beautiful but I was not there. I unloaded the material and high tailed it out if the there with  classic rock and a cigarette. 

So what does this all mean? What are we talking about here? Let me tell you about it. It's called FEAR. 

Oh crap. FEAR? WHY DON'T YOU GIVE ME YOUR CREDIT CARD?  Fuck that, I just want your attention at this point....Fear is what we make of it. How hard is it to try new things? REALLY HARD! Bridging the gap between knowing what we are doing and not knowing what we are doing is all we have. The great leap of faith is as old as the sun. It is also the thing that helps us jump OFF bridges and not go over/under/around them. Sometimes we need to just blast right through them in order to understand that we can get through anything. Fuck bridges. Sometimes we need to leave a trail of dead bodies behind us to learn where we were supposed to go. 











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